I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
