i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
