he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
