So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize