it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
