I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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