if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
