I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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