everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
