she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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