i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
