I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
