i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
