some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
