she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
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I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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