Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
