Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
