if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
