just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
