don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
