she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
