I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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