yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
