I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
