Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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