I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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