She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize