When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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