In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
