areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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