I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand