Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
