I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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