Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize