Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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