forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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