Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
