I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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