In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
