I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
