my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
