I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
