he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
