I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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