Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
