I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
