I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
