I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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