you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
