WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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