i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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