my text book just quoted the cookie monster
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
