how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
