I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize