i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
420 ftw
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
