I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize