I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
