You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
