...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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