It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
