Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
