I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
