He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
