I'm going to jail i love you
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
