I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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