threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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