I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
