my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
