I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
