True but thats because hes a fetus.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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