the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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